I Think You All Owe Debbie Wasserman Schultz an Apology
A short tale: One of my childhood friends owned a dog. A really, really dumb dog, who really, really liked food.
When the adults were gone, we’d have a little fun with the beast, well-fed but ever-hungry, by serving it hot-sauce-filled bologna bombs: lay out a slice of bologna, sprinkle on a few drops of hot sauce, then roll the thing up and feed to the begger. Yum, bologna! Ouch, hot sauce! After a chowing down on a few of these wince-evoking concoctions, the dog fully knew what was in store when it saw the rolled-up bologna, and would eye it with the most eager and anxious look, the gears turning in its head: It’s meat: I gotta eat it!!! But it’s hot sauce: I can’t eat it!!! But it’s meat: I gotta… After a few moments, it was over; the meat won, and the dog lost.
And it never learned.
Watching the Republicans wrestle with ObamaCare in recent weeks… the looks on their faces brings back memories of the hot-sauce fated dog: It’s ObamaCare: we gotta repeal it!!! But it was dreamed up by a fringe-right “think” tank: we can’t repeal it!!! But it’s ObamaCare, we gotta…
If Republicans allow ObamaCare to stay, their base will see them as the LIARS they are, and they’ll finally vote for HER. If they repeal it, a sizable portion of their base loses stuff they’re getting now and will really vote for HER next time, no, seriously, stop laughing you sound like a hyena. Either way, it’s all over for them: come the 2018 and 2020 elections, they’re toast.
Now it may seem like the Republicans stupidly blundered into their certain demise, but NO! I’ve been sent by some very important people to reveal the truth: this was no accident. It was engineered, every last detail of it, by HER personal assistant, the smartest gal of all:
Yes!!! It’s Debs!!!
Beyond her better-known achievements like inventing the microprocessor and the first practical flying car, Debbie Wasserman Schultz has laid waste to the Republican Party!
Sure, every sentient being thinks that her extraordinary incompetence was the reason we lost the Presidency, both houses of Congress, most state and local elections, school boards, solid waste commissions, animal control departments, treehouses, etc. etc. etc. But conscious thought is a dangerous thing: look where it got Stephen Hawking! I’ll bet that now he’s not feeling so great about thinking all those great big thoughts! Just remember that, Proles!
In any case, wrong again, Berners!!! It turns out that Debs is our party’s savior, and not the most staggeringly-awful person to run a political party in the history of our planet!
Debbie Wasserman Schultz lost every election she could possibly influence as part of a very-conscious STRATEGY to get Republicans back into power, just so they could permanently destroy themselves again by having to make this terrible choice over Obamacare.
They will have to decide. Then, whatever their decision, once again they’ll be DESTROYED forever, exactly like they were after the 2011 and 2012 fiscal cliff crises they created, the 2013 government shutdown they forced, and all of the other stuff they’ve done. Destroyed. Forever. Again. They never learn, do they?
They never learn.
And here we are! On the precipice of another glorious triumph!
So now that it’s clear that your Birkenstock Gestapo’s accusations against Debs were simply MISOGYNISTIC*, please send her a lot of money to cheer her up. Just send it care of HER, we’ll make sure it goes to the appropriate place.
*AND RACIST!!! Thought you were off the hook on that? Fooled you, didn’t I!!!Major Hogwash, nashvillebrook, baran and 59 othersWhen Crabs Roar, Odd John, 4Sibes, libodem, Punxsutawney, ravensong, beemerphill, ctsnowman, ThatGuy888, Satan, a2liberal, WillyT, Deadpool, TIME TO PANIC, pacalo, bvar22, kjg, Go Vols, Two way street, disillusioned73, GoodWitch, Hari, Betty Karlson, Ichingcarpenter, Land of Enchantment, Phlem, jeff47, closeupready, misanthroptimist, h-32, Sweeties Mama, GloriaMundi, Enthusiast, Scuba, Tuesday, kishcreek, nxylas, turtlegurl, glinda, BiaviiansGalore, madfloridian, bbgrunt, VoiceOfReason, 7wo7rees, daleanime, OzoneTom, twenty, azurnoir, Haikugal, ReTooled, hypergrove, ThomPaine, Marym625, ChefEric, broiles, Baba OhReally, RadicleFantast, jdpriestly, SandersDem like this
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