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A Short Story written by me today. Comedy maybe dark?

  • retrowire (480 posts)
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    A Short Story written by me today. Comedy maybe dark?

    I call it!

    Neighbor Of The Month!

    Bob Albright was a man of purpose and great esteem. Today, he was destined to meet his goal (as he always does) of becoming the employee of the month.

    He knew that Mr. Whitworth, his boss had been keeping a close eye on him and he was eager to earn his praise.

    These dreams and imaginations permeated through Bob’s head as he gracefully backed his car out of the driveway and over the legs of a pedestrian that was just making his morning jog.

    Bob’s delightful dazing was abruptly halted by the agonizing screams of Scott Pharrod, his younger, more physically capable neighbor. Bob felt challenged by Scott’s mere existence. He was taller, younger and more handsome than Bob by most people’s opinion.

    Jolted from his plans, Bob lept out of the car and approached the rear bumper to find a fallen and broken version of Scott.

    “Watch where you’re jogging!” Bob exclaimed. He was appalled at the audacity of someone jogging on a legally ordained sidewalk behind him while he drove a car.

    “You broke my freaking legs!” Scott yelled.

    Indeed they were misshapen and bloody. And as Bob noticed this he couldn’t help but feel a tiny sense of victory. The man he had envied, was now lying bloodied on the ground. Incapable of striding gracefully down the lanes as he once could.

    Bob himself almost felt like prancing about just to show Scott what he, Bob, the fully mobile and capable of walking man could do! But he contained himself.

    “That’s not my fault!” Bob retorted. Indeed, it was Bob’s reasoning that had Scott simply dodged a large vehicle moving out of a driveway at about 40 mph, then this crisis could have been averted!

    “I need an ambulance, jerk!” Scott was gasping for breath, the pain was clearly unbearable.

    Bob heard his plea for an ambulance and it would have been more easy to tolerate if he hadn’t sprinkled that little insult on the end there. Did he really have to do that? What nerve!

    “Hey, don’t call me a jerk buddy. I get that your legs are broken but come on, let’s be decent here!”

    Bob felt a courage over the broken Scott that he’d never felt before. Take that, Scott! You can’t call Bob, ‘the perfectly mobile and walking man’ names anymore!

    “Can somebody please call the ambulance?!!” Scott yelled.

    Scott was taking his attention from the clearly unhelpful Bob and tried yelling at the cars that were rubbernecking as they passed by.

    But Bob didn’t like this. Bob could be the hero, he didn’t need anyone elses help! So, he took out his cell phone and called 911.

    “Don’t worry, Scott. I’ll get the ambulance for you. Don’t you have a phone? Geez!”

    Bob felt quite true to himself in this moment. Here he was, helping the helpless, incapable of walking Scott. Scott was now surely in his debt, after all, what could Scott do about this? Drag himself somewhere?

    “Bob, you’re a real jerk you know that?! MY FREAKING LEGS. ARE BROKEN. YOU HIT ME WITH YOUR CAR.” Scott said after Bob had ended that phone call for him.

    Bob flipped his phone shut with dramatic movement and looked down at the broken Scott.

    “I didn’t HAVE to make that phone call you know.”

    Bob turned about and got back into his car. He drove forward and maneuvered it so that he would back out of the driveway around the broken Scott. As he drove by, he rolled down his window and said to Scott, “I would stay, but I don’t have to put up with your crap if I don’t want to. Have a nice day, Scott.”

    And with dramatic flare, he rolled up his window, pulled into the road and drove off to work, leaving Scott’s broken body on the sidewalk to wait for the ambulance while feeling great and looking forward to becoming the employee of the month.

    THE END

    FanBoy, valerief, St aug girl and 7 othersWhisp, Enthusiast, dlegendary1, LiberalArkie, melurkyoulongtime, Bluesuedeshoes, djean111 like this
    I fix technological thingamadoodads. Also, Bernie is my spirit animal.

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12 replies
  • LiberalArkie (3329 posts)
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    1. Great… Thanks

  • historylovr (131 posts)
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    2. Very interesting.

    It shows clearly there’s longstanding animosity. Why? Why did Bob envy his neighbor? Did he do something to Bob or is he just an ass? He seems like one here, but then, so does Bob.

    • retrowire (480 posts)
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      3. i was going for a kind of character who feels self righteous in his

      angst towards others, despite the fact they’ve never done anything to him. Lol kind of like a lot of people these days.

      I fix technological thingamadoodads. Also, Bernie is my spirit animal.
      • historylovr (131 posts)
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        4. Okay, that works.

        :-) I was wondering about his motivation, but some people are just jerks, I guess.

        Anyway, I liked it and enjoyed reading!

        • retrowire (480 posts)
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          5. :D nt

          I fix technological thingamadoodads. Also, Bernie is my spirit animal.
  • dlegendary1 (589 posts)
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    6. For some reason Bob sounds a lot like Hillary Clinton

    A person who can do no wrong, self-serving, sanctimonious ass. She’ll run you over and demand that you apologize for the damage you did to her bumper with your battered body.

    I apologize if I insulted Bob but calling him an asshole would be too nice of a thing.

    • retrowire (480 posts)
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      7. this isnt an allegory to any real living people but

      You interpreted Bob’s character as I intended! Yay I can write gud

      I fix technological thingamadoodads. Also, Bernie is my spirit animal.
      • ASimpleGame (875 posts)
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        9. I replied to the wrong post, see post number 8 and thanks again for the story.

      • dlegendary1 (589 posts)
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        10. I figured

        In writing we can all be psychopaths and saints.

    • ASimpleGame (875 posts)
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      8. I was thinking about Cheney but Hillary works just as well.

      Nice story, thanks for sharing.

  • St aug girl (2065 posts)
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    11. Unfortunately I think there are a lot of "Bobs" out

    there today.

    • Elroy (3 posts)
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      12. Good story

      I enjoyed reading the story, you wrote it well, but unfortunately there are a lot of bobs out there