JPR WILL BE DOWN for about an hour today (hopefully less), starting at 8:00 AM Pacific. Adding hamsters since people seem to be in a chatty mood.
Sorry for the intermittent slowness: we're getting HAMMERED today, which is slowing the site down - as 0f 6:45 PM Pacific, we've had about 150,000 page views, almost twice what we typically have at this time each day. I dannae if she can take any more, Captain!
Please read this post, and do what feels right.
Right now, every non-troll on JPR is pissed/sad/grumpy. Great potential for any of us to do stuff that will later look/feel stupid; so think before you post:
- Relax: this site will never endorse Hillary. Or Trump.
- Be nice. Or at least, don’t be mean. People with the same goals can disagree on how to achieve them.
- Revolution is a process, not an event. 13 years passed between the Boston Massacre and the British surrender at Yorktown. 6 years from John Brown’s raid on Harpers Ferry to Lee's surrender at Appomattox. We won’t win NOW, but we will win; let’s figure out how, together.
I know that you wouldn't be mere Proles, here for us smart people to harvest, if you could think clearly... but relax: once again, I'm here to DLC 'splain your stupidity to you, to save you from yourselves.
So boo-hoo, you're disappointed that a member of George Bush's DOJ leadership team can't investigate his way out of a paper bag. And now Her only needs to maintain a less-towering unfavorable rating than Trump to have easy access to the Pentagon and the Treasury. And you hate women and minorities.
And somehow you're thinking that your BFFEs at the GOP have an A-OK idea to charge She with perjury, and that will save the day.
Go ahead! Convict her! It won't help you unicorn-humpers a bit. Not a bit.
You see, almost none of your fellow Proles can pronounce or remember the word perjury. It's as foreign and unimaginable to them as words like zeitgeist, Charcuterie, and retirement. The word that they will remember?
And there lies the rub: just try doing an Internet search on "Hillary lying", and see what pops up. Do you really think that these particular lies will ever be noticed amongst all the others? A needle in a haystack!
Once again, you will have FAILED.
Peace, love and Hillary,
So we went ahead and selected Her to be our nominee, we strong-armed a few people so She wouldn't go to jail, and now your jobs will be sent to other countries, your children will be sent to more ludicrous wars, and -- if they make it back from those wars? A hellish future of growing poverty and despair.
"Oh!," you pathetically mewl, "This is a Democracy! We don't have to vote for Her!"
LOL! Who the @#$% else ya gonna vote for? Donald Trump? Not gonna happen. You'd never dare to do it. Because Donald Trump is racist and sexist. (And we -who-adore-She rarely throw around words like racist and sexist, so you know it must be true.)
Once again, the alternative is too awful to imagine. Donald Trump!!! Donald Trump!!!
So, once again, we win. Checkmate, schmucks!
Oh, and after eight years of Her? We'll pass the scepter back for a turn.
We now know, empirically, that it takes 16 years for the American public to remember what a President did to them. So you will be fooled again. Because you're not as smart as bankers, and -- sucks for you! -- you have a soul; in other words, you're simply a gazelle waiting for the cheetah.
And we will profit even more. Our gold dog bowls will be traded for diamond dog bowls. And you'll be frantically scavenging for bits of vegetation and food scraps to eat, as we harvest the last bits of work from you. Because that is our privilege, and it is your fate.
Because you would never, ever vote for Trump. He might start wars, and screw over the 99%! And nobody wants that, right? So you will definitely not vote for him, right? And we win again. Because Donald Trump will do way worse things than She will. Absolutely.
To paraphrase George Frideric Handel:
And we shall reign forever and ever
Forever and ever and ever and ever
Hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah
Because you have to vote for us. You had no choice, and you have no choice.
You wouldn't dare vote for Trump. Never in a million years. So you lose. And you will always lose.
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