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Home Main Forums General Discussion AP Declares Hillary Clinton Winner of the 2018 US Open

  • Average Gazoo (2210 posts)
    Donor

    AP Declares Hillary Clinton Winner of the 2018 US Open

    (New York — 9/3/2018)
    With the quarter finals just under way, AP News has stunned tennis fans by declaring Hillary Clinton the winner of the US Open Women’s Singles.  An Associated Press count of pledged delegates  and a survey of party insiders known as superdelegates shows Clinton with the overall support of the required 2,383 delegates.

    Serena Williams seemed confused by the news, “I like Hillary Clinton but, um, she has not played a single match here ?!

    US Open spokesman Thomas Keller added “I have no idea what AP is talking about. Why would superdelegates be able to decide who wins here?  Mrs Clinton would have to compete and win her way to the finals just like everyone else.

    A spokesperson for Hillary 2018 called Keller’s remarks “sexist” and “misongynistic” before exclaiming “Clearly the Russians have gotten to Keller and we demand a full investigation.

    #   #   #

     

    chknltl, Segami, MrMickeysMom and 67 othersElizabeth, Pastiche, closeupready, avaistheone1, Bernin4U, Admiral Loinpresser, Babel 17, Betty Karlson, WillyT, twenty, LongTomH, zoolook67, Ohio Barbarian, ctsnowman, ozoneman, LaaDeeDaaVA, Beebee, KenTanker0us, Coldmountaintrail, rudycantfail, KarenS, nevereVereven, Fuddnik, Bodie the Dog, PennLawyer, Benny, ronRonnie, Marym625, Silver Witch, Peace Patriot, iggy, VagrantPeters, leftcoastmountains, Pam, ThinkingANew, Utopian Leftist, Go Vols, TRex, Enthusiast, Bluesuedeshoes, mmonk, Entrepreneur, NothingcleverjustRay, ThomPaine, PADemD, TIME TO PANIC, A little weird, Salemcourt, Stockholmer, eridani, Katashi, djean111, joentokyo, Dragon Turtle, Foo Fighter, 99thMonkey, kath, Land of Enchantment, Two way street, Bugenhagen, Satan, GZeusH, MistaP, Illegal Smile, Phlem, Shlabotnik, HubHeaver like this

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    • Coyote Walks (239 posts)
      Donor

      1. Source?

      Is this the Onion?  I couldn’t find it there.

      • Average Gazoo (2210 posts)
        Donor

        7. I wrote it

        • Coyote Walks (239 posts)
          Donor

          18. +1

        • Enthusiast (15880 posts)
          Donor

          24. Kicked and Recommended! Ya done good!

          :roflmao:

          "I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country." Thomas Jefferson
        • Silver Witch (7057 posts)
          Donor

          28. YOU did a killer job on this one Average Gazoo…

          I would say you are not very average at all…..

          Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost~John Quincy Adams  
        • nevereVereven (5808 posts)
          Donor

          33. Very nicely done! Satire LIVES!!!! eom

          Trump is a fool who may yet blunder us into war; the Dems and the Deep State cabal would give us war by design.

                                         
        • Coldmountaintrail (9409 posts)
          Donor

          35. +++

        • Bernin4U (914 posts)
          Donor

          42. Ace!

        • MrMickeysMom (2403 posts)
          Moderator

          47. Now, THAT'S satire!

          Took me a while to find it, but … NAIL HIT SQUARELY ON HEAD!

          Hell no...I'm not giving up...     cat-gif-238.gif giphy.gif
    • shaayecanaan (1052 posts)
      Donor

      2. Hillary is THE GREATEST champion the US Open has even had. PERIOD.

      Her forehand, backhand, lob, slice, alley oop are all perfect. Her game is perfect and I WILL NOT be intimidated by the brocialists from celebrating her historic US Open win.

      • shaayecanaan (1052 posts)
        Donor

        4. You are so right Shaayecanaan

        fucking hug emoji, +1000 your post, how about I piss in your pocket some more?

        • shaayecanaan (1052 posts)
          Donor

          6. Thank you for circlejerking all my posts Shaayecanaan

          yes, Clinton is such an amazing leader! I am not going to take off my pussy hat until she is installed as our plentipotentiary Good Queen Bess for life! Even though my hamster took a shit in it. Have another hug emoji.

          • shaayecanaan (1052 posts)
            Donor

            8. Thanks Shaayecanaan. How about we get one of the resident honkytonkers

            to come by and accuse everyone of racism? It gives me an orgasm when that happens.

            • shaayecanaan (1052 posts)
              Donor

              10. You idiot Shaayecanaan,you forgot to use your sock account to suck your own dick

              OMG lulz emoji sad face

              • MistaP (10874 posts)
                Donor

                11. STOP GIVING US ALL FLASHBACKS DAMMIT

                https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/hillary-clinton-more-president-172108999.html

                worst thing is they’re actually that crazy

                the Clinton campaign created Trump with the Pied Piper strategy (Third Way = Bell Curve)
                • shaayecanaan (1052 posts)
                  Donor

                  13. I WILL SMITE YOU WITH MY SLAM JAM POETRY!!!

                  For Hillary:
                  Is the world my grave?
                  Should I hide in loss and refuse human touch?
                  My proud stance in defeat induces outrage,
                  they eat my tears, and drink my blood.
                  Lean on my losses like the veriest crutch.
                  Should I simply die?
                  Maybe stop the blood from flowing, to pay your cost?
                  The fact that I breathe seems to facilitate,
                  rending of garments; revelries in my loss,
                  fainting couches and embers of hate…
                  Do you want me to hide in the woods?
                  A lonely old woman just picking her way
                  through the brambles in the wilderness
                  of lies, and attacks, and abuse that lay
                  on the path of most resistance?
                  Shall I dig the hole real deep?
                  How far beneath the earth should my living body rest?
                  You’d send me to the place where old women go
                  when old men would rather see them no more?
                  Quietly dying on the brink of the crest.
                  No, the world is not my grave.
                  I shall not die in shame.
                  The woods are too quiet to keep me contained.
                  I will burn up the world until my light dies,
                  I rise again like the Phoenix, unrestrained.

                  • MistaP (10874 posts)
                    Donor

                    14. oh, we all know WHO wrote that

                    the Clinton campaign created Trump with the Pied Piper strategy (Third Way = Bell Curve)
                    • shaayecanaan (1052 posts)
                      Donor

                      15. Its poetry

                      because I put
                      a line break after each sentence
                      you better
                      sit and listen
                      in deeply impressed silence
                      or you can taste the fire
                      from my fat ass

                       

                • Bisbonian (437 posts)

                  17. :-D

              • shaayecanaan (1052 posts)
                Donor

                12. LOL I just took a shit in a Tiffany box and sent it to Susan Sarandon

                OMG lulz #Hillaryresistance

              • Bugenhagen (9 posts)
                Donor

                16. Between the OP and you, my day is now 1000% more enjoyable.

                Thank you very much!

              • Silver Witch (7057 posts)
                Donor

                29. Oh my Goddess Shaayecanaan..I am wetting myself from laughing so hard!

                Well done YOU!!

                Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost~John Quincy Adams  
                • shaayecanaan (1052 posts)
                  Donor

                  32. Feel free to cross post it

                  lulz

          • Average Gazoo (2210 posts)
            Donor

            9. LOL

      • Illegal Smile (607 posts)

        5. You forgot Herself's 200 mph serve

        She actually killed an opponent with it a couple of years ago.

        • TRex (5575 posts)
          Donor

          27. Allegedly.

          nt

          Oh sweety, no just no, when I or those of us here talk about the ultra rich - it is NOT you! Not you by a longshot, oh my God did you think...no way you actually thought we meant you? Lord, this country is full of rich stupid people and you seem to be one of the worst. No sweety, you are just a low paid pawn to those ultra rich we talk about. They are wrecking the world, you are an enabler and I understand not being able to sleep at night. I wouldn't either, selling out our future. You have kids right?  
      • TRex (5575 posts)
        Donor

        26. Those were great days fighting off the other posters, supposedly, when they

        would grouse about her backhand serve. We sure showed them didn’t we she…sha…ha..er.um…shaaaaaaaa…

        We were the champs! The Chozen ones! Herself never had to worry ones about the naybobs we had Her back!

        She will be installed…the Russians control over the phases of the Moon…wanes…

         

         

        Oh sweety, no just no, when I or those of us here talk about the ultra rich - it is NOT you! Not you by a longshot, oh my God did you think...no way you actually thought we meant you? Lord, this country is full of rich stupid people and you seem to be one of the worst. No sweety, you are just a low paid pawn to those ultra rich we talk about. They are wrecking the world, you are an enabler and I understand not being able to sleep at night. I wouldn't either, selling out our future. You have kids right?  
    • Illegal Smile (607 posts)

      3. Nicely done

      :hi:

    • kath (751 posts)
      Donor

      19. Mahala, shaayecanaan.

      Hug emoji

      • shaayecanaan (1052 posts)
        Donor

        20. You win nt

    • TIME TO PANIC (986 posts)
      Donor

      21. .

      :rofl:

      "We Tortured Some Folks" - Barack Obama
    • Entrepreneur (2978 posts)
      Donor

      22. +1000 Recs

      “The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness" - J.K. Galbraith
    • mmonk (4068 posts)
      Donor

      23. .

      😃

    • TRex (5575 posts)
      Donor

      25. Okay that is funny.

      Ref check the rackets I think the Russian’s replaced my cat guts with firewire!

      Oh sweety, no just no, when I or those of us here talk about the ultra rich - it is NOT you! Not you by a longshot, oh my God did you think...no way you actually thought we meant you? Lord, this country is full of rich stupid people and you seem to be one of the worst. No sweety, you are just a low paid pawn to those ultra rich we talk about. They are wrecking the world, you are an enabler and I understand not being able to sleep at night. I wouldn't either, selling out our future. You have kids right?  
    • Marym625 (30742 posts)
      Founder

      30. On The Daily Radical

      Too funny!! Thank you

      Take Action #StopFCC https://www.battleforthenet.com/breaktheinternet/ "Once the decision was made to go into Iraq as an invader and occupier,  it’s like our nation lost its conscience. And it has not yet gotten that conscience back." Madfloridian  
    • djean111 (7958 posts)
      Donor

      31. Fantastic! And bulls-eye!

      • *Obligatory disclaimer - when I say "Democratic Party" I mean the DNC - the Clintons and the un-elected people and the consultants and the lobbyists and the corporations who actually run things.  The people who work and vote and are registered as "D" are no more the actual party than Trekkies are Star Trek.   Extra credit - the Democratic Party gets to actually fuck up your life. When you vote for it.
      You think the only reason that people won't vote for a warmongering Third Way fracking-enabling cluster bomb throwing H-1B increasing lying pandering corporate and Wall Street shill who says she has no problem putting abortion rights on the table is because we are mad about Bernie?  Um, nope.
    • rudycantfail (619 posts)

      34. Average Gazoo, that is outfrigginstanding!

      Nice work.

      Stop the blue team vs red team idiocy and appeal to nearly everyone to take down the establishment duopoly.
      • Average Gazoo (2210 posts)
        Donor

        38. glad you liked it

        thanks. And thanks to Shaayecanaan for running with it!

    • KenTanker0us (527 posts)
      Donor

      36. Funniest thread in a loooong time

      …especially the mahalo. Glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that one.

      I used to be Navarth at DU. I left DU when it became polluted with Hillary pushers. The party bosses fucked us, and Bernie, just like they did with Henry Wallace in 1944.
    • ctsnowman (1228 posts)
      Donor

      37. Excellent NT

      Army and Navy veteran and a proud liberal.
    • Betty Karlson (5291 posts)
      Donor

      39. Great stuff

      "Someone hacks the DNC allowing all of America to see how the DNC operates as one of the most corrupt political machines in national history. Ergo, Hillary Clinton should be installed as President by judicial fiat. And if you do not agree to this scheme you deserve to be brought up on charges of treason because fascism." - NUGrrl, december 2016 “Once a person has been determined to be an UNTRUSTWORTHY LIAR, their pretend stances on important issues are simply not relevant to rational discussion.” – Ida Briggs, September 2016
    • Babel 17 (5345 posts)
      Donor

      40. Special place in hell for women line judges that don't support Her

      The dispensation they got for supporting Cuomo over Nixon was a one time thing.

      https://www.votetulsi.com/bumper-stickers/free  
    • Admiral Loinpresser (239 posts)

      41. I googled your article and found a Bernie quote:

      “The American people are sick and tired of hearing about your damn back hand!”

      The RussiaGate narrative is unmitigated bullshit. The 2016 election was stolen by Kris Kobach via Operation CrossCheck. See Greg Palast for details.
      • Average Gazoo (2210 posts)
        Donor

        43. LOL

        perfect

    • chknltl (1140 posts)
      Donor

      44. Oh for Petes sake! Hillary was clearly out of bounds!

      The court officials need better glasses and should stop accepting free drinks….and other free stuff.

      • Snort McDork (2891 posts)
        Donor

        45. Interesting

        • chknltl (1140 posts)
          Donor

          46. Wait a minute…Hillary earned lotsa sh*t from me!

          Because i would be so awestruck in Her Godly presence, i would prefer to just leave it in a lit paperbag on Her doorstep!