I just have no where else to turn.
This is a personal journal. I do not seek judgment, praise, or advice. It’s a stream-of-consciousness post, a place to release my fears. I just have no where else to turn.
This morning, a person I am close to who works with top military brass was telling me a humorous story as I was giving him a ride in my car. While talking and smiling, he happened to mention, sort of off-the-cuff, that the US is turning it’s military focus toward war-readiness with China and/or Russia. Now, this comment is certainly not any kind of direct statement from the Pentagon. Anyone with half a brain cell knows that all forms of war games are prepared for in our military. However, the statement was made with such ease and confidence that it shook me deeply. I heard nothing more about the intended funny story being told. My head was reeling with images of another world war, of nuclear weapons and famine and destruction. The words kept ringing in my head: war with Russia and/or China. Somewhere I heard my friend say, “You can pull up over there. I’ll just hop out.” My friend exited the vehicle with a “Thanks! See ya!” and a grin, and I replied with something about having a good day. Then I wanted to throw up.
My friend is a good person. Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder, is my friend, unwittingly, “a good American”? Have we, as a nation, gotten there yet? Is that where we’re going?
I went home and called my Mama, an 89-year old going on 30, a liberal, a Bernie supporter, and a watcher of MSNBC and CNN. She still reads the newspaper daily. She begins to speak of the Russians, and I remind her to question everything. I remind her of the media conglomeration that is spoon feeding her the info. She asks me if I believe, like Trump, that the investigation is a witch hunt. Of course it is, I say, but that in no way makes me a Trump supporter. She listens intently to my words and praises my critical thinking. I tell her of my conversation that morning with my friend and of the images that came to mind, and she says with some irritation, “Honey, my breakfast is getting cold. I need to go.”
One of my teenagers has a disorder that makes reading and writing harder for him than for most kids, so this weekend, I helped him prepare for his social studies exam covering WWI-WWII. I re-learned all the horrors of that time in world history, complete with trench warfare, militarism, fascism, Nazism, starving Russians, Final Solutions, the ugly difference between a concentration camp and a death camp, lying leaders and propaganda. Propaganda. Propaganda.
Controlling the media, the message, the vote. If Russia hacked our elections, why isn’t anyone talking about paper ballots? Because that’s not what they really want to change, is it. So what is the goal here?
After hanging up from talking to my Mama, I grab my phone to catch up on email, messages, etc. I peruse my twitter account and see that another alternative journalist, the editor of disobedient news has been deemed a political bot by twitter. Numerous claims have been made in the last few days of accounts or posts being deleted by YouTube, twitter, facebook, deemed “fake news”. Quite a few of those sites and sources being deleted I actually find despicable, but some contain political views much like my own. Voltaire whispers in my ear, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”
The uptick of censorship toward anyone who disagrees with the establishment narrative is happening so fast in the last few days, that I wonder why now? Why so many? Why so fast? What’s happening here? My head is spinning.
While studying with my son, I ran across a worksheet with a quote from Communist Russia’s constitution. It espoused all the great rights a constitution of a free society should contain – freedom of the press, the right to demonstrate, etc. The point of the worksheet was to highlight the discrepancy between the freedoms written and the freedoms actually allowed. In other words, a totalitarian government, in the end, decides the extent of allowing those freedoms, thereby nullifying the value of the document.
Will I be censored? Will this post lead to me being deemed a Russian agent? Is it really so outlandish nowadays to consider the unthinkable?
When I speak to friends and loved ones of how I see America today – the media, our two-party system (which is really one and the same), and the Russian narrative – no matter how articulate I am; no matter how much I try to use logic and facts and context; no matter how careful I am not to overwhelm my listener – the response is always the same. Their eyes widen slightly, their heads tilt ever so slightly to the side, and they grow silent, as if coming to the conclusion, “Well, I love her despite her fringe ideas.” And the conversation gets changed.
I hate the look they give me. The craziest part is that I am frequently credited with being right in the end – no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, elections can be hacked, Hillary can’t win…Now they say I was right, so why do they still give me “the look”? I think they are afraid. And I can understand that, but we cannot afford to live in ignorance. It’s just too dangerous.
I feel very alone.travelerxxx, seefleur, Peace Patriot and 60 othersAdmiral Loinpresser, rudycantfail, melurkyoulongtime, GloriaMundi, ozoneman, spud demon, azurnoir, shanti, Calico, mntleo2, davidthegnome, Smarmie Doofus, Coldmountaintrail, PuffGranny, Marym625, Betty Karlson, h-32, twenty, nevereVereven, Phlem, Katashi, disillusioned73, Flying Squirrel, eridani, graycat, pa28, slay, Wood, mrdmk, relgire, Iwalani88, Pam, Yanath, kath, Baba OhReally, talkstoclouds, tonyl, 3FingerBrown, WillyT, HomerRamone, Babel 17, NJOCK, canoeist52, glinda, xynthee, DesertRat2015, Land of Enchantment, iggy, Diclotican, OCMI, djean111, Haikugal, Stockholmer, everyman, Dragon Turtle, Koko, N2Doc, Blackspade, Enthusiast, PennLawyer like this
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