In panic mode
April 12, 2021 at 4:04 PM - Views: 109 #416577David the GnomeParticipant
- Total Posts: 2,910
It is strange, some times. What they call anxiety and panic attacks can be so damnably unpredictable. I’ve been experiencing so much more than usual lately. I’ve reconnected with my son, who has been in and out of the hospital for a lot of the same reasons I was as a younger man – saying he wants to die. Now I don’t think he, or I, really wanted/want that. There was a movie, or show maybe… a quote, “If someone wants to kill themselves, they don’t say they want to kill themselves, they buy a gun and shoot themselves”. The idea being that its more a cry for help, than anything else.
It brings back so many memories. So many of them painful. He was born several months after nine eleven, the same year I turned 18, born only a few weeks later. So much was going on then – the beginning of the forever wars, the Patriot Act, the ever growing secrecy and power of the security apparatus. The military build up… bombs, drones, so much… too much. Now, throw the last twenty years (or nearly that) together with the pandemic and the military tensions with Russia and China, the Ukraine and Taiwan. Which one of these disasters is going to blow up in our faces first? Which idiot is going to say “Yeah, push the nuclear button, because fuck them all”?
I wonder how much of what is running through my mind is the result of conditions, genetics, things I was born with – and how much is the result of circumstances of my own life and that of the world at large. Some times I wish I could forget, or just not know. Some times I wish I had that zealotry, fanatic faith in a God of some sort, to the extent that I really believed there was a purpose for everything. A reason.
What I find, increasingly, is that I have no damn clue about much of anything. Yet my brain asks the questions so frequently, so simultaneously, always without answers. Always, what if? As I try to reason with my neurosis, I see the headlines – even some times by accident, that tell me what is going on in the world. I wonder… are we all damned mad? Our whole race? That we still kill each other, rape, commit terrible acts. That war and acts of war take place every day. That even with such great disaster, in such a time of need, a call for a global ceasefire was denied – mostly by my own Country.
Fuck. I don’t know. I don’t know a damn thing. Whatever the case may be, it has been an honor to know you all, even though for my own neurotic reasons I have had to keep my distance from JPR and politics somewhat. Could be… maybe I’m just neurotic and half crazy – and maybe I need to learn to be okay with that. Could be I’m full of shit. Could be we’re all just living in an alien experiment of some kind. Or a game, for some mad deity or other.
As my chest burns, my arms tingle, my heart thumps, breathing and mind race… I can’t help but think… if there was such a being as a loving God, what the fuck does it even do? I mean, maybe we’re beneath it for the same reason we consider ants beneath us. Maybe its because we still do dumb shit like push a door that says “pull” in a large lettered sign, that neither God nor higher alien intelligence has contacted us yet. Maybe the world’s only chance is one fucking hell of a hail Mary pass.
Maybe I need to chill. Can’t today though. So, sharing my madness with the world, because its something to do, because maybe it will be therapeutic… or maybe because I just don’t want all of these thoughts and feelings to die without acknowledgement, without notice.
In the grand scheme of things? Fuck the grand scheme of things.
April 12, 2021 at 4:34 PM #416579
April 12, 2021 at 4:59 PM #416582Babel 17Participant
- Total Posts: 4,734
Insecurity stimulates the capitalist system as it inspires consumption and a devotion to the income providers.
Nicki Brand : Well, I think we live in overstimulated times. We crave stimulation for its own sake. We gorge ourselves on it. We always want more, whether it’s tactile, emotional or sexual. And I think that’s bad.
We hated Russia partly because we thought that they’d close our factories, and empty the shelves of our stores.
It’s harder to drum up that kind of hate these days, so we blame them for depriving us of having the Queen we were promised, Hillary Clinton. And that only works with a smaller and smaller percentage of the population.
April 12, 2021 at 6:08 PM #416594closeupreadyParticipant
- Total Posts: 2,230
there are some useful concepts, like the Golden Rule, or the idea that all life is valued equally by God. It’s also important, I think, to understand that the future is not set in stone, and that at any moment, things could change. For the worse or for the better.
I’m older than you, and, literally, I remember having nightmares about nuclear war between the US and the USSR. I remember 3 Mile Island, stagflation, the Jim Jones cult suicide, and worst of all, Air Supply’s radio debut. The stuff that goes on today is just as horrible, but in a different way. I mean, I guess every tragedy is unique.
At any rate, do what you can, and don’t worry that things will go wrong; hold on to hope that things will go right. (People ‘over there’ HATED me for posting stuff like that, lol. In hindsight, it makes me chuckle…)
The opinions and personal views expressed herein are solely those of the author, and should never be taken seriously.
April 12, 2021 at 6:27 PM #416598
You are younger than I, but I know you just had a birthday, which coincides with your starting to think of handling things in a new way. Try to reimagine yourself aas if you are an old sage who has already lived hundreds of years… Everyone living now is in the same set of circumstances where we have to decide how satisfied we are with ourselves. The only difference in how awful it is… is the way it is served up and marketed to us by whomever seems to be in charge. For every awful thing there is, there is a process right now driving people to make major decisions with their lives. You are right in here amongst all of us, and it will eventually be revealed.
Whatever ruling class has been in charge, the indifference to human suffering has been no different as far back as the history I’ve read, even novels, based on history…
In James Clavell’s novel, Shogun, the Japanese torture techniques of the Lords were horrible. The protagonist (played by Richard Chamberlin in the movie) Blackthorn, before his transformation into a culture he could not imagine led him to understand why people laughed in the midst of tragedy. But he had it explained, “We consider it very shameful and impolite to show strong feelings, particularly fear, so we hide them with a laugh or a smile”. Some of the killing was slow and cruel in this new world. Those who could not adhere to the standard protocol were happy to ritually off themselves in the belly with a dutiful, “Sayonarda”…
The Kennedy years… The Reagan cruelty of the masses as Rush Limbaugh’s audience grew… The Pappy and Junior Bush years… Those two-faced, back-stabbing Clintons, who along with our current president, helped introduce an even slower death march somehow seen now as a shining moment needing to be liberated now… what a ton of shit it is, indeed.
You remember that I’m a long term student of astrology. My studies intensified during this covid period. If anything, I have a better understanding in identifying patterns of humans walking around this earth in a state of decision or dread. I believe it’s cyclic for a reason. Try timing these periods within the decades of your life (“at age so and so, my first experience with such and such”) and identify the interval of time as it relates to the frustration. There should be a pattern to it.
Hell, no... I'm not giving up...
April 14, 2021 at 12:45 PM #416930ArtfromArkParticipant
- Total Posts: 1,468
You mentioned Japan during the Shogunate, and even up until the end of WWII, Japanese society could be pretty cruel. But today, Japan is a pretty laid back country, certainly much more easy-going than during the days of emperor worship. Even in the last 40 years, ever since I’ve been involved with Japan, the country has made great social strides.
“There’s a new spirit abroad in the land. The old days of ‘grab and greed’ are on their way out. We’re beginning to think of what we owe the other fellow, not just what we’re compelled to give him. The time’s coming… when we shan’t be able to fill our bellies in comfort while others go hungry, sleep in warm beds while others shiver in the cold.... And God willing, we’ll live to see that day…” Basil Rathbone,"Sherlock Holmes Faces Death" (Universal 1943)
April 14, 2021 at 10:08 PM #417041
I meant no disrespect to Japan or those who know it far better than I ever will. I believe I was just trying to use an example , based on what I remember reading and that human link has such a long history of how society behaves around us.
Hell, no... I'm not giving up...
April 12, 2021 at 7:19 PM #416609Cold Mountain TrailParticipant
- Total Posts: 12,399
“the future is not set in stone, and that at any moment, things could change. For the worse or for the better” +++
— and you don’t have to believe your own anxious thoughts.
On edit: I hope that didn’t come across as sounding harsh. I’ve been more or less where you are, & the only thing that helped me was learning not to believe my own anxious thoughts. Good wishes to you from across the US.
Dunno if this is helpful, but posting it on the off chance:
April 13, 2021 at 6:35 PM #416773JunkerParticipant
- Total Posts: 263
I’m sure you have read Lao Tzu. Not really a religion, just a way of thinking that I find helpful, but one shoe doesn’t fit every foot.
April 14, 2021 at 10:11 PM #417043
April 14, 2021 at 1:19 PM #416935Ohio BarbarianModerator
- Total Posts: 20,143
It is better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.--Eugene Debs
You can jail a revolutionary, but you can't jail the revolution.--Fred Hampton
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