Men Don’t Get to Decide What Counts As ‘Sex’
(OP) Debate is not arguing back and forth. Debate is defining your terms precisely and proceeding argumentation from that point. This specific parsing has needed to happen for quite a while.
Sex is not being in a room with a man masturbating in front of you, unless you are very excited to be there. If that’s your thing, please go forth and have fun. “Honey, how about we go out to dinner, watch a movie, and then I put on a winter coat and stand in front of you while you masturbate?” Fantastic. I’m glad you found each other. In that situation, there’s been some kind of conversation beforehand. This is what you both want. There’s trust between you and also probably some kind of reciprocity — if you’re turned on by someone masturbating in front of you, chances are that you will probably end up masturbating too or at least falling asleep together while watching The Crown.
My problem with Louis C.K.’s apology was that it seemed to be built on the foundation that what happened with these women could be defined as sex. In my reading of his statement, he seemed to be apologizing for the problematic dynamics of having encounters with women less powerful than he was. I’m arguing that what happened wasn’t actually sex at all; it was one person finding pleasure in another person’s humiliation and fear. What happened was an attack.
… A 32-year-old assistant district attorney didn’t “date” a 14-year-old he picked up outside her own custody hearing, as Sean Hannity phrased it in an interview with Roy Moore last week. That’s not what dating is. Taking your clothes off in front of that 14-year-old girl and forcing her to touch you is not sex. But why do we continue to have to explain this? Why do men who have never experienced this form of attack get to define what an attack is? Watching the men on television argue back and forth about what Roy Moore did or didn’t do is like watching color-blind people trying to explain what the color red looks like. You don’t know what it looks like. You’ve never seen it, and I have, so what gives you the right to tell me what it is? As my grandmother used to say to my mom, “Get up and go out there, but know that it’s a man’s world.” Sex is a purple cloud. Red is red. As angry as it makes me and as exhausting as it is, we have to keep fighting to make the blind men see.Pastiche, kath, BuySellTrade and 7 otherstwenty, bemildred, tokenlib, Punxsutawney, jwirr, davidgmills, iggy like this
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