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  • area woman (4434 posts)
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    My sister, Mary

    First, I want to thank all of you for your kindness, my family is overwhelmed by your generosity. You’ve all been so wonderful. Too wonderful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster since about noon yesterday when I found out that my dear, sister Mary was gone. I want to share with you all a memory, one I’ve thought about over and over since yesterday.

    When I was 5 and Mary was 14, our dad bought a pre-owned (Nothing was ever new for area family. In fact, Mary was the first person in our family to ever own a new car,  a 1986 Chevy Chevette – and she let me drive it. She was the only one of my older siblings to let me drive their car.) above-ground pool. That pool was AWESOME!!! I think it was 18ft around. It seemed HUGE to 5-year-old me, area kid, it was like I had an ocean in my backyard. I fucking loved that pool! I learned how to swim in that pool and I took to swimming like a fish to water. Every day, I was in that pool in my navy blue, bandana print bikini doing flips off a raft pretending to be a deep see diver. I always made sure I avoided the shadow thrown by the neighbor’s tree because that’s where the shark lived (seriously, this was the summer JAWS was released and area kid thought great white sharks lurked in the shadow.)

    Well, after one too many back yard pool, deep sea adventures, area kid came down with a bad case of swimmers ear and the pool was off limits. I was crushed. I would watch from the kitchen window or the window of my parents’ bedroom while everyone else had fun in my happy place. Mary saw me watching and felt bad that I was left out. She knew I loved the the pool and she knew it broke my heart that I couldn’t be in there. She was sad because I was sad. Mary came inside helped me get into my navy blue, bandana print bikini and brought me to the yard. She put a big inner tube in the pool, sat me in the tube and pushed me around the pool and I loved it. While everyone else kept playing Marco Polo and having a grand old time, Mary was stuck with me. It wasn’t fun for her to push area kid around the pool in a tube, it was probably pretty fucking boring actually. She did it, though. She did it because I was her baby sister and I was sad. If Mary saw someone in pain, she wanted to do whatever she could to ease it. That was my sister, Mary and that’s how she rolled. I miss her so much.

     

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15 replies
  • Marym625 (23443 posts)
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    1. What a beautiful memory

    Thank you for sharing this with us.

    I’m so sorry for your loss. What a great loss.

    :hug:

    Oi245KQ-1 "Once the decision was made to go into Iraq as an invader and occupier,  it’s like our nation lost its conscience. And it has not yet gotten that conscience back." Madfloridian  
  • davidthegnome (1015 posts)
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    2. It is an impossible thing…

    To lose someone we so deeply love.  To grieve for them – to imagine a world without them.  It is impossible – yet we somehow find it within ourselves to do it, even as, at times, we wonder how or why.  To lose a sister who you both admired and loved is unimaginably painful for those who do not know such loss.  It is further impossible to find the right words to say, how to help someone through grief.  Oddly for me, the impossible never seems to shut me up…

    The grief that I know every day is different.  It is the grief of a Father who cannot see his son.  He did not die, he simply lives too far away and I am too broke to do a whole lot for him.  It is a thing that I struggle not to think of, not to feel.  The sense of loss, of shame… of impossible pain.  I share this because it is how I can relate.  The worst thing to do (despite the fact that I often do it) is to isolate, to conceal ourselves and our grief (here I can write and rant aplenty, but in real life, I am the quiet type).  Rather, I humbly suggest that it is to be shared, so that the burden of such impossible sorrow might be survived.  Think of that beautiful compassion that you saw within your sister, how much you loved her for what she did and for who she was.  That will never die.  You won’t let it.

    Nothing I say can hope to compare with how much this sucks.  I know nothing of an afterlife or greater power, such things are mysteries that, these days, I struggle not to contemplate.  What I believe though, is that our suffering ends with this life, regardless of what comes next.  Your sister is now free of that.

    A favorite writer of mine once said: “We do not grieve for those we lost.  It is not for their pain nor their benefit.  It is for our staggering loss, that we must now continue without them.  In all likelihood, they are in a much happier place.”

    My deepest sympathies are with you.  Do not hold back, cry all you wish, think of her and how much you loved her, share those memories and those thoughts and feelings, no matter how painful.  It is the only thing that I have ever found helps me to manage.  I wish I could offer more than words – but her compassion, and yours… both are deeply beautiful, in a way that lasts.

    Hang in there… none of us are on this rock forever, but at least we get to share it with great people like you and Mary.

    “There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress.” - Mark Twain
  • so far from heaven (10725 posts)
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    3. Area woman,

    Some day we should swap older sister stories. I miss mine at times. It seems like it was just the other day she come over for her lunch break and we had a really great chat about all the family dirt and all the goings on in the small town we were in at the time.

    Take care of yourself and your family. Nothing can replace your sister to them, but it helps knowing that they have someone who loves them to talk to and confide in.

    I don’t have much else that I can say right now. I can’t take away the pain but if you need someone to talk to, I’ll be right there for you.

    boobie"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'" -Groucho Marx
  • A little weird (494 posts)
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    4. I'm sorry for your loss

    She sounds like she was an awesome person.

  • caliny (1911 posts)
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    5. Thanks for sharing those beautiful memories

    She sounds as warm, caring, and special, just like you.

    Love you! :hug: :hug:

  • Silver Witch (4856 posts)
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    6. Areawoman I am so sorry!

    May your sister Mary travel well and now a wee bit of her lives in each of us!  Thank you for sharing.

    #Let'sTalkRevolution
  • Abakan (2709 posts)
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    7. Areawoman, if your sister, Mary was …

    anything like you. She couldn’t help but be an awesome

    person. I am so sorry for your loss.

    injustice_is_law_sticker

  • ThomPaine (3699 posts)
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    8. All my best to you and those that share your loss.

    aka rhett o rick.     The rich treat us like ants. They may avoid stepping on us, but if our home is in the way of their new swimming pool, we can kiss our ants goodbye.
  • Dragonfli (1137 posts)
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    9. Thank you for sharing a precious memory of an obviously beloved sister

    It is said in many cultures that we keep our loved ones alive in our hearts, memories, and stories we tell of them.

    She will always be with you because she remains in your heart, and your memories, your story helps keep her alive in our hearts as well as we get a rare glimpse of the type of person and older sister she was, allowing us to know just how wonderful she was is a gift to us all.

    I used to envy those that had close families that cared for them and each other (having none myself), long ago however after meeting someone that became that close to me, one that shared a close bond with her siblings and her extended family – I learned that such a thing should not be envied, but admired and cherished, in short I learned to feel joy knowing others shared such bonds and that such things were not to be envied, but admired, even cherished vicariously.

    Thank you so much for sharing some of those precious memories with us, it makes me wish I knew her, but feel you have gifted me with at least a glimpse of a caring and loving person I never had the opportunity to meet.

    Losing someone like her is a loss to a world that needs more, not less such people in it.

    Your personal loss is beyond words, but she will always be engraved upon your heart and soul and helped to shape the person you are, in this way she left us all a gift as well.

    :hug:

     

    “We must dissent from the indifference. We must dissent from the apathy. We must dissent from the fear, the hatred and the mistrust. We must dissent from a nation that has buried its head in the sand, waiting in vain for the needs of its poor, its elderly, and its sick to disappear and just blow away. We must dissent from a government that has left its young without jobs, education or hope. We must dissent from the poverty of vision and the absence of moral leadership. We must dissent because America can do better, because America has no choice but to do better.” Thurgood Marshall

      

  • Piperay (567 posts)
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    10. She sounds like a very special person

    you were both lucky to have each other. :heart:

    BERNIE SANDERS 2020
  • Paka (136 posts)
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    11. So sorry for your loss.

    It’s a hard blow.  I lost my only sister (3 years older) just 2 years ago.  You will continue to miss her over and over, again and again, but you will carry with you always the wonderful memories.

  • Major Hogwash (2492 posts)
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    12. So sorry to hear about your loss.

    She sounds like she was a great sister to have for a big sister. Sorry to hear this bad news about her passing away suddenly.

  • vattel (1313 posts)
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    13. Beautiful memory.

  • BlueAK (1548 posts)
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    14. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    https://northernvisions.smugmug.com/
  • Bernice Ta (412 posts)
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    15. Peace and strength to you and all her family and friends.

    That’s such a lovely story to share with us. Thank you. I can only hope that my own siblings remember such good things about me.