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Home Main Forums General Discussion The Barbarian Onion: Debbie Wasserman's Schultz's Shocking Confession!

  • Ohio Barbarian (13443 posts)
    Moderator

    The Barbarian Onion: Debbie Wasserman's Schultz's Shocking Confession!

    Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schulz(DWS) was arrested today after she admitted to FBI and Secret Service investigators that it was she who personally mailed pipe bombs to former President Barack Obama, former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, liberal donor George Soros, and John Brennan at CNN.

    A highly placed Justice Department source told CNN that DWS expressed resentment at Mr. Obama for never rewarding her for all of her efforts to promote his “hope and change” political agenda, at Mrs. Clinton for insisting that it was Her turn all of the time, and at Brennan and the intelligence community in general for failing to live up to their ruthless Deep State reputation by allowing President Donald Trump to remain in the Oval Office for this long.

    “What about me?”, she reportedly told investigators. “They come down here and campaign for Gillum, and he’s just a lousy mayor. After all that work I did to guarantee Hillary the nomination in 2016, and they wouldn’t even support me for Speaker or whip. I just have had enough of being unappreciated.”

    DWS admitted to having help in actually making the pipe bombs, trusting a “redneck” cousin of hers who stores large amounts of fireworks in a shed behind his doublewide trailer in a rural Florida area who agreed to help her because he is a great admirer of President Trump and was more than happy to help his more effete cousin seek revenge on unamerican liberals. Investigators suspect DWS promised him a brand new pickup truck, several automatic weapons, a lifetime supply of MAGA hats, and a face to face with Larry the Cable Guy for his services.  DWS denied, however, asking him to target Robert DeNiro or Maxine Waters, though she reportedly said including Waters was a “nice touch” by her cousin, because she really is that irritating to real Democrats.

    The Justice Department source said the cousin’s identity would be released after he is questioned by both the FBI and the Secret Service.

    Edit for lurkers from another site: This is called “satire.”

    avaistheone1, PDiddie, Pacco Fransisco and 25 otherseridani, HIP56948, Segami, Gryneos, MrMickeysMom, Xyzse, Utopian Leftist, joentokyo, Betty Karlson, Katashi, Entrepreneur, Enthusiast, Cleita, Peace Patriot, Cassiopeia, Shlabotnik, Coyote Walks, OCMI, Land of Enchantment, djean111, nevereVereven, Lord Thomas, iggy, Phlem, elias39 like this
    No man ought to stay poor so another man can get rich. --Newton Knight

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25 replies
  • 1 month ago #15
    • ThouArtThat (7922 posts)
      Donor

      1. Hell Hath No Fury Like A ….

      eom

      "In America Today, Power Corrupts and Money Corrupts Absolutely" - Anonymous  
    • Lord Thomas (3424 posts)
      Friend of Village Idiot

      2. I thought it might be a Bernie Bro, getting revenge.

      The Only Consistent Thing in Life is Change.

      • Ohio Barbarian (13443 posts)
        Moderator

        6. Yeah, somebody at SV said it was a JPR member. At least their admins had the

        courtesy to take it down. Huh. That’s the first time I’ve ever said anything nice about them. These are strange days, indeed.

        No man ought to stay poor so another man can get rich. --Newton Knight
        • Colors of the Rainbow (2328 posts)
          Donor

          13. Alex Forrest

          Is the avatar of that site’s forum member an image of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction?

    • nevereVereven (5882 posts)
      Donor

      3. I hope "The Barbarian Onion" becomes a regular thing. Love it!!!

      Trump is a fool who may yet blunder us into war; the Dems and the Deep State cabal would give us war by design.

                                     
      • Ohio Barbarian (13443 posts)
        Moderator

        5. I find it good for my mental health.

        No man ought to stay poor so another man can get rich. --Newton Knight
        • Snort McDork (2951 posts)
          Donor

          24. Smoking weed for mental health issues works too.

          • Ohio Barbarian (13443 posts)
            Moderator

            25. Does for me!

            No man ought to stay poor so another man can get rich. --Newton Knight
    • retired liberal (2908 posts)
      Donor

      4. If only this were true, so be rid of her.

      No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up. Lily Tomlin ::: Society would be much better off if a simple law was passed... That upon a Company/Organization acting unlawfully, the Directors/Executives/Senior Management (and anyone directly involved) shall be held personally liable and upon successful prosecution will face jail time.
    • Cassiopeia (3380 posts)
      Donor

      7. Drop the "onion" bit

      The barbarian newsy news…

      Tales from the horde….

      News from the barbarian….

       

      Great satire!  Hope we see more soon.  Just make it your own.

      • Ohio Barbarian (13443 posts)
        Moderator

        8. Tales from the…I will think on it. Good suggestion. Thanks.

        No man ought to stay poor so another man can get rich. --Newton Knight
    • Peace Patriot (4952 posts)
      Donor

      9. Oh, lol, lol, lol! First sentence – nailed it! So fine!

      And the rest is great, too.  Well done!  You got her, Barbarian!  You got her!  If fact, you got her so bad, you may have solved the crime!

    • Entrepreneur (2997 posts)
      Donor

      10. Nice job. Thanks.

      “The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness" - J.K. Galbraith
    • RealityCheck (1987 posts)

      11. the actual "confession" needed

      is her rigging the Dem Primary.

      • djean111 (8091 posts)
        Donor

        14. I believe the DNC said, in a deposition for the lawsuit about rigging the

        election, that since they are actually a private entity, it is their right to name the candidate in a locked smoke-filled room.  If they choose to do that.  I think that is what they did, but the profitable primary fleeces so many people out of money, and gins up enthusiasm, however misplaced and delusional that enthusiasm is.  So I do believe that Lil’ Debbie DINO considers an apology for rigging the election to be ridiculous at best.  Hillary bought the DNC by paying off the Debt Obama left it with, had contracts signed that gave her control, and Voila!  Hillary was named the candidate.  Bernie was only tolerated because it was felt that all of his supporters would turn into good little hillbots.

        • *Obligatory disclaimer - when I say "Democratic Party" I mean the DNC - the Clintons and the un-elected people and the consultants and the lobbyists and the corporations who actually run things.  The people who work and vote and are registered as "D" are no more the actual party than Trekkies are Star Trek.   Extra credit - the Democratic Party gets to actually fuck up your life. When you vote for it.
        You think the only reason that people won't vote for a warmongering Third Way fracking-enabling cluster bomb throwing H-1B increasing lying pandering corporate and Wall Street shill who says she has no problem putting abortion rights on the table is because we are mad about Bernie?  Um, nope.
    • TRex (5734 posts)
      Donor

      12. I have to admit when I saw DWS, I did wonder what her handwriting looked like.

      Oh sweety, no just no, when I or those of us here talk about the ultra rich - it is NOT you! Not you by a longshot, oh my God did you think...no way you actually thought we meant you? Lord, this country is full of rich stupid people and you seem to be one of the worst. No sweety, you are just a low paid pawn to those ultra rich we talk about. They are wrecking the world, you are an enabler and I understand not being able to sleep at night. I wouldn't either, selling out our future. You have kids right?  
    • MrMickeysMom (2524 posts)
      Moderator

      15. Uh-Oohh…

      Hell no...I'm not giving up...     cat-gif-238.gif giphy.gif
    • chknltl (1196 posts)
      Donor

      16. Baloney! The guy's been arrested. Turns out he's a Bernie supporter.

      1. He never took a loyalty oath at SV.

      2. He absolutely refused to vote for Hillary.

      3. There were no Mahalo stickers on his van.

       

       

      • Ohio Barbarian (13443 posts)
        Moderator

        17. Of course it's baloney. Always was. It's satire.

        No man ought to stay poor so another man can get rich. --Newton Knight
        • chknltl (1196 posts)
          Donor

          18. Yep! As was my addition…

          …although those folks at SV might not see my response as such.

           

          • Ohio Barbarian (13443 posts)
            Moderator

            19. Lol! Whoopsie on my part!

            And you’re right about SV. This was mentioned over there somewhere. I could not help but chuckle.

            No man ought to stay poor so another man can get rich. --Newton Knight
            • chknltl (1196 posts)
              Donor

              20. I love satire, sarcasm and snark.

              I just never have enough material to post my own OP.

              That said, I add my voice to others here in urging you to keep posting your satire OPs. With all the crap going on around us, a little smile or chuckle along the way helps. Thanks for that.

               

              • Ohio Barbarian (13443 posts)
                Moderator

                22. Thanks. I will endeavor to do so. I'll shoot for once a week, but my schedule

                varies, and keeping the domestic tranquility index at a reasonably high level is one of my priorities.

                No man ought to stay poor so another man can get rich. --Newton Knight
    • eridani (6814 posts)
      Donor

      21. How about doing this for the Daily posts by Jackpine Radicals? n/t

      You've heard of the Good Witch of the North and the Wicked Witch of the West, right?  I'm the Morally Ambiguous Witch of the Northwest.
      • Ohio Barbarian (13443 posts)
        Moderator

        23. That's a good idea. I'll probably change the name so as to not invite any

        capitalist copyright bullshit.

        No man ought to stay poor so another man can get rich. --Newton Knight