JPR Mental Health Support Group

Geez… I guess I start the topics herein… Here's a BIG one…

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  • #60097

    Mr. Mickeys Mom
    Moderator
    • Total Posts: 1,498
    @mrmickeysmom

    I think I can still participate in this group if it is my nephew who has some serious problems. So, assuming somebody else is gonna join here, I want to explain “the issue”… See if you can recognize any characteristics that may be playing out in your family, or you have an informed opinion as to what I could possible do to help him…

    1. Said nephew is 31 years old, and the second of 2 siblings, 9 years younger than the older brother, who died in 2003 at age 25.
    2. Said nephew was an active and wildly imaginative kid, who was smart, with a streak of defiance while in HS, but in his junior year, while breaking all records on the swimming team, learns that his older brother had died.
    3. Older brother had history of trouble, emotional mostly, but after HS, was enticed to joining the Marines (bad PR move, as he didn’t understand any of the discipline there and was generally discharged after trying to go AWOL.
    4. Older brother according to said nephew after brother died, had been a sexual abuser of said nephew. Much anger, the kid blew college off after a lot of micro management ensued from my sister to pay for this and for that, as she didn’t want to loose another son who couldn’t seem to “launch” into any direction. The said nephew did well, but the only reason he did well was that he for some years was able to be valuable to companies like Play Station (when my sister and BIL moved him out to San Francisco) and assisted produced gamer-like programs, even did things with Sims game that I thought were great. He and others were laid off (California’s labor law apparently does that so that they don’t have to guarantee full time benefits). Anyway, I’m digressing…
    5. Said nephew lost his father June 2018. My sister also lost her husband. Years prior to this, she and husband retired and seeing what was going on in CA, moved nephew back to live close enough to where they lived, paying for an apt whilst nephew began having a career in restaurant cooking, liked it enough, too. However, my BIL more or less had given up on his son/my nephew ‘s ability to stick with anything and alcohol abuse, despite nephew trying to get into other professions.. all starting out good, but inevitably ending in leaving or being fired due to not playing well with others or tolerating the management.
    6. My nephew is coddled and damaged in my view, with an unresolved issue of being sexually abused in his youth by older brother. Why nobody noticed this is beyond me, but I guess that can happen. I can only say so much there.
    7. My sister, seeing my nephew stopped trying to work and continued to drink from death benefit he blew through, was given another opportunity to live with her, and has been doing that for less than 3 weeks.
    8. The shit has hit the fan, as my sister sees now that nephew stays up all night gaming (something he never could stop doing, regardless of work), and apparently able to get ahold of alcohol, which I though was thrown out of the home ahead of his moving back. He basically stays up gaming all night watching TV, sleeps 12 hours during the day, then habitually or bingfully continues to drink. Last night he drank all night, then cooked, then threw what he cooked into the garbage, threw his cell phone and clothes into the pool at house, and demonstrated what is a continued anger he cannot manage.

    I don’t know if I’m EVEN asking for advice (I want to know who else has witnessed disastrous life choices in a family and if it ends up that the best thing to do is to let your own offspring “fail”). In this case, the “kid” has “failed”, even to the point of recently cutting himself during an angry drinking night of gaming (not enough to bleed, but to call attention to the fact that he wanted to die) with no ability to take control. How to you “let someone fail” if they live with you without committing them (assuming that you could)? I’d say he’s slowing dying by definition. Other people have advised my sister that the best thing to do is to let him get to the bottom.

    By the way… I really want to thank you for having the interest in reading this. I find myself having SO MANY personal friends and certainly siblings over the last few years with problem after problem. It really isn’t me, which makes me wonder what my role is to those around who seem to be falling into a bottomless pit… I lost my brother this last year to alcoholism (and, that was another loss to my sister). I tried in that case to intervene, but was handed my hat by my brother who no longer wanted my help. At least my brother paid his bills as an adult, regardless of children and grandchildren in his life and chose alcohol over the hard task of repairing his relationship to everything else in life.

    Hell, no... I'm not giving up...

  • #60103

    NV Wino
    Moderator
    • Total Posts: 3,010
    @nvwino

    It sounds like he needed professional help a long time ago. I have no siblings and no experience with this sort of thing. I wouldn’t even know where to start to get him help if his mother isn’t willing to work toward that goal. At that age, getting him into a hospital or facility that could help him is almost impossible without his consent.

    “As we act, let us not become the evil that we deplore.” Barbara Lee
    “Politicians and pro athletes: The only people who still get paid when they lose.” William Rivers Pitt

    • #60114

      Mr. Mickeys Mom
      Moderator
      • Total Posts: 1,498
      @mrmickeysmom

      Yeah, I agree with that. It would be ugly to say the least if this were done without his consent.

      Interventions occurred to me. However, when we visited earlier this year (he was still in his paid-for apartment), he never was available. Later, I received one of his texts telling me that he was embarrassed and that he was continuing to work on his issues,. This is something that at the time he may well have meant, but likely this psychology is part of a continual failing cycle.

      Thanks for reading, nvwino…

      Hell, no... I'm not giving up...

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