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New Line of Trump Condoms Boast Thinnest Skin Possible

  • kliljedahl (1390 posts)
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    New Line of Trump Condoms Boast Thinnest Skin Possible

    NEW YORK — U.S. President-elect Donald J. Trump held a press conference this morning to announce the manufacture of Trump Condoms, his latest namesake business venture, which will feature a gold foil-wrapped contraceptive touted as having the thinnest skin ever to hit the market.

    “These condoms are really something, really terrific,” the incoming 45th President told reporters. “The slightest touch, be it real or imagined, will create a sensation that goes way beyond what mainstream condom companies would call ‘appropriate,’ folks, and I mean that — big league.”

    But the prophylactics have faced a great deal of criticism even before their official release. Leaked developmental records show the condoms failed numerous stress tests, with one report describing them as “too delicate to be considered a qualified option.”

    Live footage confirmed the President-elect turned slightly red and grew defensive when reporters mentioned these concerns.

    “Oh, I see. Durex, Trojan… they can advertise as ‘Ultra-Thin,’ but when I do it, I get treated this way? Unfair,” Trump said. “Very unfair, folks.”


    LiberalElite, MistaP, JimLane and 4 othersjoentokyo, Odd John, Satan, truebluegreen like this

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